"I Create from my Womb...

World of my Inmost Self...."

Dear WEb,

This is part of quote I have had for over a decade, written by a woman (whose name I wish I knew/remembered) about herself/women. It's been used to honor that place in us from which we can literally and metaphorically create. I encountered it the other day in my files of many accumulated things when I was looking for things about my process with my womb 6 years ago. I am struck by the number 6--my grandmother was one of 6 sisters--I cannot explain the significance of that except to say that it is significant. Plus it feels like a very important revisiting because as the Winter Solstice nears (aka Tomorrow!), I feel called to pay attention to the things that 'are up' for me right now. My womb...world of my Inmost Self...wow. That's pretty core. What is growing in there now are tumors and a cyst, foreign matter. It is not time for purification. Right now I don't feel threatened by these foreign matters. In fact I am impressed by the stableness of their growth during the last nine months which to me speaks something of another strength/presence down there. No. I feel like it's time for some 'being with' my womb as the world of my Inmost Self.

Another way of saying who my 'inmost Self' is is my Beingness. Who I am meant to be. The energy/consciousness of the Goddess/Femaleness/Life force that is expressed uniquely through me. My womb houses this consciousness. Whew. And it's been nine months yesterday since Phoenix was killed...Nine months. A gestation time. So, I am sitting with that too. Wondering and trying to not be expectant of what will come with that spark of light just past the deepest place of darkness. What do I want to come in that spark...yes, that is a question. What I want to come is energy to enhance the expression of my Beingness. And what I want to come back is Phoenix. Both those things I want with fierce tears in my eyes.

I am not Artemis with an arrow now, full of intent and outward action, in this place. No. I was asked this weekend about the upcoming cycle on the Wheel, "What needs to be protected?" My answer now from this place here on the Wheel is: my inmost Self, my Beingness, my womb. How do I do that? It's like a dream right now...it's like the answer is just behind the veil...it's in my body...I just have to wait and make space for my body to tell me the rest. I remember so many times these last 9 months how I didn't know what was happening in me until my body told me...my mind had to just wait for the story to unfold through my body. So, that is how I will be with this.

Trusting. Creating a space. For my womb. For my Phoenix's bones. For the Mystery.
Love,
Melissa