Thursday, August 15, 2013

More of Our Mystery...

Dearest Phoenix on the WEb,

     The Labyrinth led me back to you, your bones, your physical remains.  My hands and fingers searched for the violent metal that stole your life from me.  I combed every inch of you, of what remains left in smooth, velvety grey matter and white bone.  We employed a metal detector to find what my fingers and eyes could not see.  No bullet. I was ripped open again...how could this possibly BE?  No bullet???  Am I crazy? How can you be dead if there is no bullet?  How can this be your body here with no bullet?  I felt grabbed into another nightmare of the crazies.  How can this be??? S. and I stayed with the Wu of it all.  I asked her to scan my body with the detector...surely if it was not lodged in you, it must still be lodged in me!  Nothing.  No bullet.

   For three days I left you uncovered, rattling and singing the trauma gone, released and free.  For three days I was with you and myself and the Mystery of this Labyrinth, our Path together. And when it was time, S. and I began the process of covering you up again, but this time, this time, we did it in a way so that I could pilgrimage to you more readily.  S. was deeply present and asked me every step of the way, how would this feel?  and how would that feel? as we followed what would be Right.  Ultimately, the biggest Wu happened.

    I had precisely dug all around the bones, careful to expose all areas so that the trauma could be released.  The shape of the hole ended up being kidney shaped.  We agreed that the element of water would be a lovely conduit between Phoenix and I, so we decided a small pond would be good. We both looked at it and nodded, noting perhaps there was a pond liner that we might find in a similar shape.  We'd just see, we agreed.  So, as it turned out my work canceled itself for that evening unexpectedly and we both had time to go to the store and see what was available and what might be next.  Sure enough, the store had one liner and it was kidney shaped!
  
   Upon returned with the liner etc., I walked around the house out of sight for a moment to check on something.  When I came back, S. was standing with her hands on her hips, a huge smile on her face and shaking her head in disbelief.  "It fits perfectly."  I dropped to the ground in awe.  How could that be?  Exactly?  Exactly. 

   So, with a layer of dirt over the bones and some rocks around the edges, Phoenix rests beneath a small pond of water now,  hyacinths blooming and a small pump circulating.  And, a heron statue, of course.  Hugging the pond, is a snake mound, modeled after one S. and I visited in Ohio years ago made by the first nation Peoples there.

    How does one "explain" such a Mystery?  The search for the missing bullet got me there, but it wasn't the reason.  The freeing that happened was the reason, the freeing of all that was still lodged in those bones and in these bones.  I will never know what happened to the bullet, literally.   Metaphorically, energetically, I have sent it back to its Source.  Where it belongs.

   It is on this day, August 15, which on my personal Wheel of the Year is Companion Day, that I record something of this, our Mystery, here on our WEb.  You will always be the Light of my Light, the spark that I seek.  I miss you, my beloved Guardian Companion.  I miss you.  And, I do feel you closer, our connection dearer than ever.  I do want you back and have begun to feel into that possibility for our family.  Slow steps. Slow call.

 Yours,
Me

  

Friday, August 2, 2013

Lammas

Dearest Phoenix on the WEb,
     It is Lammas, a day of gratitude.  We have been through so much these last couple of weeks; so much to honor and record here on this WEb.  For now, though, I send out this exquisite image of a beautifully intact web that greeted me this morning on this Holy Day.  I am forever grateful for the repair we have been weaving these many months, days, moment by moment. 
     There will be another day soon when I will detail the incredible details of the last few weeks of reconnecting with you, dear beloved Phoenix.

Yours,
Me