Making a note

Dearest Phoenix on the WEb,

I just want to make a note that I feel things are possible now, not so hopeless with my health situation. There's nothing else I need to say about that right now.  Just feeling happy, hopeful and in Her hands and there are so many other times I feel so many other things that it seemed like a really good thing to make a note of this.

It is just past the zenith of Winter and we are in the Deep. I have been despairing about various sundry of things.  Today I have been thinking of the rose, our rose that blooms in May and how that will be to see it again this coming 200013th year.  I feel happy imagining that, looking towards that lovely first blossom that you send back to me from the grave.

My love,
Me

Good Solstice morning to my sweet Phoenix on the WEb,

I woke early to watch the live stream of the Newgrange sunrise, but the cloud cover prevented being able to see anything.  However, of course, I know it happened...the energy of the light moved through the passageway and lit up the triple spiral, beginning another beloved Earth cycle of Winter Solstice to Winter Solstice!  And...perhaps, as many have prophesized, the beginning of a new era.

It was a long night.  Technically, the longest one of the year.  And, internally it was long, though certainly not the longest in my internal year.  There have certainly been longer ones.  Last night after circle I was saying goodbye to someone and she mentioned she was going to be traveling to a place in New Mexico where I had been years ago on Summer Solstice.  Actually it was a place J. and I traveled to to meet other close friends for a celebration of women; J. and I were an active part of the celebration weekend.  Women from all over the world came to be a part of this, women who I have respected as feminists for years, women who were leaders of the second wave of feminism and women who are now part of another wave.  It was a big deal, and a big deal to be an included part of it.  As this person was talking about going to the town where J. and I stayed with our dear friends S. and J. who owned a women's lodge, I was flooded with WuWu excitement in connecting to that time and space.  I quickly responded and told her where the lodge was in relation to where she would be and as I began to speak, my body cracked and my voice fisted the words as they squeaked through my throat.  I didn't want to tell her the whole story of this place and what it meant to me, in fact I hadn't totally seen what it has meant to me now, here from this place in my life.  After all, as our lives change, so do our relationships with the memories of the past.

So, I noticed the change in my voice as I spoke, found an easy way to leave the conversation and later cried about it.  Still the meaning hadn't arrived until early this morning when I couldn't watch the live streaming of the sunrise in Newgrange and I went back to bed in the dark.  Then, I got it, Phoenix.  I got what that memory is to me and why my throat responded with a clutch to the the words, the sharing of it in such a superficially social way.  You see, yes, it was literally on the weekend of Summer Solstice of 2007 and it was metaphorically the Summer Solstice of Ph. and Sc., our time together as Feminists, as Goddess Wimmin, as Shamans, as Partners in this tradition.  It is where we were not only partners of life, we were Shaman partners.  I remember hiking up into the hills the morning of the opening ceremonies and we found an area on the side of a mountain that overlooked the town and the mesa.  There we got very clear what we were doing and why we were doing it...for women, for the women who have come before.  It was awesome to have that focused comraderie with J.  And later at the ceremony, it was beyond words what it felt like to do what I do and witness what she does and be Together in that.  I still remember the feeling of the tears of joy flooding down my face as I watched the room and J.; I was in Awe.  The only way I can articulate it is this: it was the Summer Solstice of our Beingnesses, our Essences, our Quintessence together.

And so, here on the dawn of a new Era, a new Cycle on the Wheel, I hold this precious Light to my weary Heart.  You see, Phoenix, I am grateful for this piece because I have been taught the language of The Wheel and now I live it, so I take great comfort in being able to locate things in their natural cycle.  It takes away some of the shame of things/relationships etc not lasting forever.  J. and I had an incredible Summer Solstice.  Now we are in the void.  No one knows what comes from the void at any time.  And...I have seeded some peace there now.  Or, perhaps, some peace has seeded herself there now with this memory, this meaning, this illuminating that has happened inside me, even though I cannot see it, per se.

Thank you, Phoenix, for this venue to come speak Heart to you.  Maybe new worlds happen quietly like this....

Your beloved Companion,
Me