Fear

Dear Web,
I have been feeling great fear the last few days. Fear that there are no boundaries to what can happen to me, to the world. I think Phoenix being shot has to be the absolute worst thing I can think of that has happened to me. It's hard to imagine any worse, really. And yet, I feel something worse is coming. And I am grasping for Ground. There are moments when the fear is at bay and I can sense a ground. But it's temporary and I slip again into this place of Groundlessness.

And it's not that I am not Spiritual...I am a Soul-full woman. I have great amount of Faith. And...there's this place of Groundlessness I keep encountering.

Is it PTSD? Is it a place of transpersonal memory of a time that I've lived through, or not, before?

It is 13 weeks today since Phoenix was shot. I come home every day mid-day to feed B. and M. because I am still scared to be away that long from my home. So, I know that some of this is what is called PTSD. And...it feels bigger.

So, this is a prayer to you, Web, to hold me close. Keep showing me those magical, miraculous things that remind me of Who I Am and that I am Connected to something that will not take me out....something that is my Ground on which to rest, peacefully.

In Love,
Melissa