Across The Wheel

Dear WEb,
There are many things happening right now I have that felt sense of the interconnectedness of the Web. I don't know what it all means. It's not all good. Much is destructive, and...I need to try to acknowledge the links. Not because I want to make it 'all good' as they say. NO, it's not all good! It's not all Goddess, not at all. And, I think that there is Her weaving of some sort of something. It's important to me to stay connected to an understanding that is larger than me. So I don't get lost in the flood. It's a way of hanging on for Life and letting go at the same time.

Tomorrow is the holy day, Lunar Beltane. On the Wheel of the Year (an Earth based "calendar" that many European Earth-based peoples have lived by for millennia) across from Beltane is Samhain, the beginning of the Deep time around the beginning of November. I am often intrigued by what's across The Wheel from where we are and this time the energy of Samhain got my attention even before I saw on my calendar that it was Lunar Beltane coming up. I felt "something" coming last week and then received a poem written by a sister who really understands and has lived Descent. I was so moved by the understanding of Descent in this poem; it reflected something in me before I really totally understood it. I wondered why I was relating so well to the energy of Descent when I allegedly have "Returned" from my year long Descent of grieving my beloved Phoenix. Then, I realized that Return doesn't happen and it's done. Nothing is linear, especially on The Wheel. So, I thought next that this poem was reflecting my back and forth process of Return.

Then later in the week there have been more circumstances where my internal response was to decisively Return...to the cave. That is, it feels like a Descent again. Curiously, the weather for May has become uncharacteristically cool here making curling up in a dark room and bundling up appropriate and comfortable. Additionally, interestingly too, I began a liver cleanse that I had planned several weeks ago only because the timing coincided with a colonic that I had already scheduled months ago. Then last week I did some research about fibroids/ovarian cysts/breast cysts etc (since my have not shrunk since 6 months ago at the last ultrasound), I found that these are related to an over abundance of estrogen which is processed by the liver! Everything has come together accordingly without much of my planning, per se. So, to recognize the place here on The Wheel as Beltane because it is across from Samhain feels quite significant and yet another sign to me that there is some Divine weaving happening to pay attention to.

Lastly and most notably, my partner is dealing with more pending destruction down South with the floods from the Mississippi River reaching her home town and family there. There are levees that are starting to break up river from that town. We are both frightened what is in store in the coming week and months. People losing their homes, one another, animals turning rabid, disease let loose into the flooding waters, malaria from mosquitoes infestation of sitting waters, violence unleased in so many forms. We are on the edge of something here. This feels like another piece of a global Descent. Earthquakes, tsunamis, nuclear spills, oil spills, hurricanes, broken levees... There so much upheaval, I can hardly believe it. And, I'm not even directly in it. I do not live in Japan. I do not live down South. In India. In Afganistan....on and on. I have the privilidge of sittting in a catbird seat right now, able to communicate and process this from a distance. Sort of.

I have been feeling some of this in me since yesterday. This intense breaking. This pressure. This upheaval in my own body. In my own personal life. I know I am not separate. I am just not "there" physically in those places, living those horrendous things on a minute by minute basis. I am watching/feeling/sensing/experiencing from afar. And not because I am watching the media. I do not watch t.v.. My source both comes from hearing, for example, what it's like from family who are readying for the pending floods best they can and what I can feel in my body of this...this...something.

This is not a 'wow, look at me' self-congratulating thing. This is seriously not about me. This is about something happening that is both a tearing and a weaving. And I do not say any of this to keep myself comfortably at bay from what is happening. I am writing it so I can help myself remember the connections. Remember that whenever there is a rupture in the Web (which a has been happening for millennia to the Earth), there is some guiding force that seeks to repair: Return and Repair. It doesn't mean that we will all survive, or even choose to, in any given Descent. It means that this, I believe, is available--Descent, Return and Repair. I've lived it last year. Right? Well, mostly. It's a Process.

I pray for no suffering. I pray for Weaving. I pray for hands to hold.
Love,
Me