Spring Returns Amidst...continued

Dear Phoenix on the WEb,

I wanted to write to you again as the day as progressed.  I did go out to your grave at the workers' lunch break to rake and clear some more.  Then I decided to plant some beautiful bright purplish blue pansies I was initially saving for something else.  I needed beauty here because it looked so dingy and depressing just like I was feeling.  It was quiet, no chainsawing, I could hear the birds all around me and Beetle was happily in her yard watching me and chewing sticks.  So, I planted something beautiful on this day of Spring's Return, on the day I returned you to the the Earth.  Seems like the least I could do. 

I finished planting just as the workers started cranking up again to down more trees!  Something interesting happened though, I did not hurry in.  I took my time carting the leaves and debris away in the wheel barrow.  Beetle looked concerned and followed me all the way around the yard and back as if to say, "Don't you hear them! We need to retreat inside!"  I stayed as calm as I could, spoke lovingly to her about what I was doing, then came into her area.  She ran to get her stick and I felt like saying to her, "Don't YOU hear them! You really want to play NOW?"  She smiled at me and dropped her stick at my feet to throw.  Ok....so we played...amidst the chaos of more trees being taken down.  I laughed and cheered her on like I do and she responded in kind, happily and with zest.  We played for some time and then I needed to come in to get a phone call.  I felt some sense of victory, Phoenix.  It was a sense of being in two streams at once: the high state of alert and probably PTSD with the sounds around us as well as a playful state with sweet Beetle. 

So, I planted something beautiful for us, Phoenix, on this day.  And something ostensibly beautiful was planted in me...amidst.   And it wasn't denial...it was a twin stream.  Blessed be.

Thank you for your paw in the experience, as I'm sure it was there on our WEb.

Much love on this mixture of a day,
Me