White Heron

Dear Phoenix on the WEb,
It's one of those double number days: 7/7/11. Today a white heron flew over to my neighbor's fish pond. I saw her descend through the trees and thought she looked white, but the sunlight was in such a way it was difficult to be sure. Then a little while later, I saw her fly over towards the house and then down to our pond! And yes, she was white!

Heron continues to teach me by showing herself to me as a reminder, I think, I am Hers and on the WEb. She also often uses poignant timing in her appearances. Today the timing was uncanny. J. and I were in a difficult moment of deciding whether or not to spend the morning together. It's painful to be together knowing that these are the last days. For me, I cherish every moment and want/accept/seek the moment, even if it is uncomfortable. I figure, there will be forever after this Sunday of time without her and the pain will still be there, even worse. And/But, not everyone is like me that way. So, it was difficult this morning talking about her leaving for the day and not having time together. She got up to get some water and like it seems to wonderfully happen, my eyes found Heron descending through the trees over to my neighbor's pond! I spoke it aloud. Then when J. came back into the room, she flew towards us at the window and over the house to our pond! There she fished for a while, showing me her exquisite white long neck and tall elegant body.

This past weekend a sister, with whom I share a similar affiliation to Heron, shared her awareness/knowing that white herons are associated with Death Priestessing. Last night I wrote in my journal that this week of J. preparing to leave feels like we are each preparing in our own ways for a death. Like one might do in the days before putting a companion 'to sleep' or removing life support from a loved one. There has been lots of grief and crying. Tenderness. Agitation. Aggravation. Tenderness. Gentleness. Quiet. Shared moments of watching night fall outside. Meals shared with one another. Some advice and reminders of how to do things when she's gone. Tenderness. And did I say, tenderness. And grief. I've never walked this part of a labyrinth with anyone. I've never been with anyone as we consciously approach the end of a connection. A death is happening. We are dying. Our way of being together for almost eight years is dying. Sunday will mark another death when J. physically leaves and I will be left. There's no way around it. So, we have been going through it, Death Priestessing ourselves and one another. So, it makes perfect sense for White Heron to arrive on the scene.

This last Sunday, marking the week before J. leaves, Beetle hit me in the mouth with her head and busted my lip. She was so scared of the fireworks and was trying to get on my bed. I leaned down to grab her paws and help her up and Wham! right in the kisser! J. was so loving and tended to this intense experience with me. My lip swelled immediately and I might have had a slight concussion (the next day I was pretty headachey). The meaning? My mouth has been a site of trauma over the years. Speaking my truth as often been a challenge. There is much energy there. I wonder if some release of energy there needed to happen as part of this death, this letting go, this transition that seems like an end, and may hopefully be a beginning. And maybe there was no grand scheme involved. But the sweetness that came from J. afterwards was precious. I will always be forever grateful for her sweetness over the almost 8 years. Her protectiveness, her strength, her power as a Drummer, her wisdom, her guidance, her clarity, her tenderness....her Love of me and the Life that was she and I, as we have lived it thus far.

Thank you, White Heron, Death Priestess. You have blessed us.

Love,
Me