July 2nd

Dear Web,
I have to write this whole story today. This is so exquisitely private and intimate and vulnerable. There are eyes who may read it and not understand, so not understand. And it's a story that needs to be told because it's true and real and powerful. You will understand it all when I am through. The pieces, they are many.

It is July 2nd....this is important. Bear with me.

On June 28th, I reported the following about a dream: "Phoenix appeared first time in full body. He looked like the photo I have worked with...In the dream, he looked like this photo, intact. He was on the deck of this house. I wonder if it means he's telling me he's here! And is together....The other dream was interesting too....(at one point) there above our heads came sparkling lights. At first I start to run then stop. She (teacher in the dream) says, 'What? Can't you appreciate the responsiveness from the other side?!'...I wonder if the two are related. If they are a response to my despair last night."

That's Monday I woke up with that dream. Then the next few days I was in a strange state of disbelief and unsettledness. Hadn't told anyone anything. Then Thursday, a sister tells me that she saw a truck called Phoenix Transportation and wondered if that was related to Phoenix from the other side. Nothing clicked for me since I was in a daze really. Then later that same morning, three herons showed up at the pond--two teaching a young one to fly. Later that same day, I see a deer on a walk. (This I believe is in yesterday's entry, yes). Ok...

So, last night I am settling down to go to sleep, turn the light off and Beetle doesn't settle which is very unusual. Finally, she lays down beside my bed, nearest to me while her bed is on the other side of the room. This is extremely weird. The floor is hard, she likes comfort. But, I go to sleep anyway.

In the middle of the night, I hear Beetle moving around over by the bathroom door. Again, very unusual behavior. She's not asking to go out. Just moving around. This door is beside the altar I've set up for Phoenix and my mind begins to wonder if he's got her trying to get my attention, tell me something. I look at the time--it's just after midnight. It's just become July 2nd. (this does not dawn on me yet) Waking up at midnight is unusual for me, so I take note. I figure maybe Phoenix is getting Beetle to tell me it's time to put the pieces of this photo back together which I had cut up in honor of the information I got from S., the Shaman, about his fragmentation.

This morning, I get up and spend some quiet focussed time piecing the whole photo back together. Still in a daze, really, but sensing something big is happening with all the pieces. I walk the labyrinth in honor of the wholeness of this photo and this thing that seems to be happening, but still I cannot fully 'see' it or trust it. You know what I mean?

At work, I do my usual things. And as I am leaving for the night, a coworker wishes me a good July 4th. In my head I begin thinking of what I may do that day and what it means to me. And how really, it's just a day, like any other. I mean, like, today is July 2nd. What's so special.....about........this......day......

AND THEN I SEE!!! TODAY PHOENIX IS 11 YEARS OLD. IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY. HE CAME BACK TO ME ON HIS BIRTHDAY. AND IT'S FRIDAY.

You see, Friday is the day of the week he was murdered. Every Friday since then has been a memorial of anxiety, sadness and grief. Several months ago, my dear sister, C. said to me, maybe one day Phoenix will give you back Fridays. I sobbed then, unable to imagine the possibility that it could be anything other than deep heart sorrow. And here it is. A Friday. His Birthday. Our beginning, again. This is something hugely different.

Thank you, Spirit. Thank you Phoenix. I love you, deeply.

It's July 2nd. What a gift I've been given again on this day.
Love,
Melissa