Back to back cranes

Dearest Phoenix on the WEb,

Thank you!!!  You are here.  In my despair, I could not see the language, our language, you send me.  It's amazing that I just don't see what's right there...

These last few days have been rough again.  Someone close to me has a dog who we think had a stroke because this weekend he couldn't walk properly.  It was a scary thing as the vet was trying to figure out what was happening and it seemed like he was getting worse quickly.   I stayed close to her as she plunged into her nightmare of losing such a close companion suddenly.  I held the line.  Finally, things began to shift and her beloved companion turned some corner and mostly has come back.

I was fine throughout, felt ok like I was totally present with what was happening inside me and still present for her and her process.  I am so glad I was there to understand the level of fear that was happening for her and to hold some line of groundedness.  As things settled for her, I began to plunge into my own depths.  Both today and yesterday, I came home from work, put my pj's on and went head first into bed.  I've been weeping the last couple of days sporadically and then today it was full force again.  I called you, Phoenix, called you to come to me.  Come back!  I need you.  Where have you gone!  You've not been in my dreams, I don't have any reported sign of you...you have vanished!!  Then I went back to this web log we have written together and began to re-read our journey.  I could feel myself both drop deeper into the grief and then something else met me there.  It was a line, maybe, that you hold for me.  I begged you to show me a sign, show me you still are there, something undeniable.

Nothing.  Silence and your photographs and our story.  But nothing current.

Later, I went to the living room, feeling a bit more grounded, but still discouraged that I must have made all of those other signs up because the magic has run amuck.  Then, as I was talking on the phone, Heron flew up towards my window and over the top of my house!  Oh, yes, is that you???  Then that reminded me of something from earlier today: a resident was wearing the most lovely shirt of two cranes standing back to back with one another so that it looked like it was a two headed bird!  It was so unusual, I thought then, but hadn't connected it consciously to you until later after I saw Heron fly towards me.  That was you and me at one another's back.  How sweet and just like you.

Thank you, dear beloved friend/guardian/companion.  Thank you for being there even when I am not seeing you.  Thank you for flying towards me to get my attention.  Thank you for not leaving me, especially now.  Thank you for being at my back.  I need you there with me.

I love you so.
Me

PS...I just read that cranes take this position of back to back as a protective posture.  Of course.  This is the kind of Wuwu I so needed and called you back for.  Thank you, dear one.