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Dear Web and Phoenix on the Web,

I have passed through the threshold again...the one that says I must choose to live or cease to thrive. This time I reached a place of deeper recognition of myself: Because of my Beingness, I choose to Live. To extinguish my life is not my Will. Not because someone says 'it's wrong' or 'bad' or 'selfish' or whatever the doctrine is. I choose to Live not because I am expected to or because it's 'the right' thing or the 'good' thing or the 'selfless' thing. It is my Will as the Beingness that I am.

After that...I cannot say anything else for sure right now. Phoenix has remained elusive in my dreams. There have been few signs of his presence. I am worried about our connection. I do not know what 'to do' about it. I've begged, asked, prayed for something...some way of knowing we are still together. It's not the same sense of absence like in the beginning of things. It's more a sense of his silence and/or withdraw. And I wonder if this is him helping me shift my focus to Life.

And I say to you, Phoenix, if that is why you are withdrawn: "My beloved, thank you for your Love, for wanting to help me along. Can we do this together? That is, why wouldn't it be possible to have focus on Life and on us? I cannot let go of you, of our connection, ever. And I cannot fully let go into Life without our mutual exchange with one another. I need that. I want that."

I will never let you go. And I Will to live.
Melissa