The Last Day of Companion Month

Dear Phoenix on the WEb,
It is the last day of this Companion Month. Not sure what that means or what will occur today in representation of such a naming.

I sat down to write about the labyrinth. The physical labyrinth next door. See my neighbor sold the property to someone who I am not comfortable with. This new owner and I have had a conversation about the nature of how our properties are connected. The front of my home looks out to the labyrinth which is the 'back yard' of her house. The arrangement is that of a 'collective' though I am not interested in having that kind of relationship. I've had to say somethings to her about the limits of how I am willing to share myself with her. She is the kind of person, as far as I can tell now, who doesn't have clear boundaries and needs lots of assistance from those around her. I have a pond on my land. She wanted to have access to the pond and I had to say no. So, I've not let her know I am interested in the labyrinth. It wouldn't be fair. So, I've kept quiet about that even when she has prompted me about it. I've been feeling grief about that. Letting go of that sweet Labyrinth who has helped me move through these last 18 months without Phoenix.

The other night, under the cover of darkness, I went out there and began to walk her. I was so bereft after something really upsetting at work that thrust me into a state of hating people and the world, and craved to feel a part of something innocent and loving, like Phoenix. So I went to Her in the Labyrinth. I got midway through the passageway In and my neighbor came home, so I left and went to the pond and listened to the owls talking in the trees. It was a good enough exchange and I did find some settledness and/but...I couldn't help but feel sad about not having that option to be with the Labyrinth. So, I wait for times when she is gone for extended periods. Or maybe middle of the night walks. Granted this may not be the most energetically ethical thing; I wonder if I should just make peace with letting her go, just be ok admiring her from a distance. Maybe I will wait until Fall and ask my neighbor if I may rake her like I did last year...prepare her for the winter. Maybe this offering of service will be a door so that the pond doesn't become the bargaining chip. And..maybe I don't want any further involvement with this neighbor. I just can't see the way right now.

In the meantime, I may walk her 'one last time' under the cover of darkness, say 'good bye' for now.

Phoenix, I love you.
Me

What a lovely date

Dear Phoenix on the WEb,
Truly a lovely numerical date: 8:22:11. I was called to write because of that and because I have come to know this month as Companion month. These numbers all herald that notion of companionship to me. Plus, there have been several years with significant things which have occurred in August, the most notable/memorable was my 2007 encounter with the Canadian goose I named Companion. I met her on the side of the road beside a pond near where I used to live with Phoenix. She had been struck by a car and was dead. I could not leave her there, so I picked her up and eventually had her cremated, thereby returning her ashes to the pond and to her beloved surviving companion. It was truly a magical tale of Loss/Separation and Return. Last night I memorialized that experience along with the recent loss/separation of J. who I thought would be my life time companion. There was a beautiful altar created by myself and A.: an aging/fading sunflower, a sculpture of a girl hugging her dog companion, a candle and a photograph of Companion, the surviving one. I wept for all of my companion losses over the years and then met such a well of gratitude for A. who has become a new and important companion to me in my Spiritual work. This month, from now on, will be Companion month.

Yesterday marked another important experience. I moved Phoenix's altar from my bedroom to the room behind me. Where that altar used to be, I created another one to honor another relation: my relation to the element of water and air and to the ways I am being Led/creating of my Life from the ashes. It marks 'the way' I have come to live my life. Also, in moving Phoenix's altar, I took his collar and placed it around Beetle's neck. I assured her that I did not expect her to be Phoenix, she is not. But I felt like it was time I honored our companionship in the Spirit of the Life that was Phoenix and I. That it was time that I begin to recognize her as my companion in the unique way she has been and will be. And I have to say, though it may very well be projection, she looks proud. And she feels calmer to me, just in the last 24 hours.

My love to you, Phoenix. Always. Always.
Your forever Companion,
Me